Controllable and Out of Control

One of my favorite street art finds from Tybee Island.

It's been an amazing week of vacation--mind, body, and soul are feeling refreshed and ready to take on the end of the school year. May will be busy as heck with field trips, testing, Girls on the Run, and other end of the year activities. June holds 5th grade graduation, a color run,  and packing up the room for the end of the year. It's been a long one, and I'm really looking forward to summer. It will be nice to be a different kind of busy with my summer job, and being able to work my second job more regularly.

I am also looking forward to starting a new journey as soon as next week: Weight Watchers. I think this will be the most difficult thing to blog about, as I am feeling incredibly self conscious about it. A brief history will show that I've struggled with myself self esteem throughout my life, with some high highs and low lows. 

I will forever be the person who looks back at old pictures and wishes to be the kind of fat she thought she was in college, high school, etc. 

I had hit a pretty good stride for a while in the last couple of years. I dropped 20lbs before we got married by counting calories, and another 10 came off when I went on a headache medication that also conveniently suppressed my appetite. Since then, nearly three years ago, I have put back on 40lbs. My clothes don't fit right, mirrors are the enemy, and I'm in one of those low lows. And I can't figure it out. I feel like I eat pretty well. Did it happen during marathon training when I was eating all the time to keep up with the demands on my body? I definitely didn't lose any weight like I thought I would. 

Regardless, I need help. I need something different. My self control isn't fantastic, so I'm hoping with some accountability and the sense of accomplishment as I start to see results, I'll be able to do it. I have to do it. I can't keep feeling like this. 

So those are the things I can control. And in other news...HCG continues to drop. As of last Thursday we went from 563 mUnits/ml to 73. But I think I'll have them rerun it...my nurse was probably playing cards.



Sense the sarcasm, watch the video: Senator Walsh's Comment About Nurses Playing Cards 

I don't think you have to have worked in healthcare to know what complete crap that statement is, but I have, and so, intimately, I do. There was a digital petition that went around to have Sen. Walsh shadow a nurse for a 12 hour shift, and per this video, it looks like she has agreed. Also in the video, it says that Sen. Walsh has apologized for her previous statement. Her mother was a nurse, she has the utmost respect for nurses. It seems to me that that actually makes it worse! Perhaps your mother didn't hug you enough as a child because she was too busy playing cards (see what I did there) but you can't make a statement like that and say you respect them. The two are mutually exclusive!

But I digress. keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow's lab results show a nice fat zero, and we can start the clock on the 3-6 month countdown.

Vacation pictures are still coming on Facebook, but here are a few from the week.