Numbers

So much of our lives revolve around numbers. Time. Money. Steps. 

Time is a social construct. Just as well, there’s never enough of it. 

Money can’t buy you happiness. Maybe if it grew on trees? 

Steps were being taken even before they were being counted—think about the women and children in developing countries that walk an average of 3.7 miles per day to get water. Step goal takes on a whole different meaning. 

I could go on. What I’ve been thinking about lately, though, is how certain numbers seem to control our lives. And ya’ll know which number has been controlling mine. 

So here’s what’s going on. My HCG level has been dropping painfully slowly. 6...5...4. Last week, at 5, I realized just how painful it is. The waiting is beginning to feel unbearable. I know where I need to be, and what happens next—more numbers. My HCG dropping a point a week extends my timeline nearly a month. 

But today I got some good news. At 4, I am basically within normal range. I will go again on Friday for a 🤞🏻last weekly blood draw. If the number continues to drop—or just doesn’t go up—we are going to discuss “spacing out the blood draws”. I don’t know entirely what that means, because it doesn’t line up with the timeline I’ve had in my head. But I suppose I’ll know more next week. 

Another number I’ve been following is my weight. I started my Weightwatchers journey in May. Generally I don’t care about the number on the scale. But I was at the point where I didn’t feel good in any of my clothes, and on top of everything else, it was really starting to bring me down. So I’ve been working on that journey, and am happy to say I’ve lost 15lbs. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m on my way.  

Time. Money. Steps. HCG. Weight. Trying very hard to focus on what I can control, and letting go of what I can’t.